Category Archives: How to Act Like a Gentleman

Guys Washing Is Not An Option

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I am back I know it has been awhile but let’s get this party started. Many of you know I am on Snap Chat which I think is stupid but its fun. The other day I was looking at some of my subscriptions and I saw an article from GQ. I still read GQ even though I don’t agree with much that they say or do these days. For those don’t know GQ is Gentlemen’s Quarterly, it is basically a fashion magazine for men. Getting back to my story, I am reading this post about “Fast Tips for Grooming”. The article explains how if you want to feel refreshed when you wake up in the morning you should wash your face. Really this is advice wash your face. I know I am old and was raised by very old fashioned Europeans but I was taught when you wake up the first thing you do is wash your face and brush your teeth. Do young men not do this? Why would a men’s fashion magazine tell you that washing your face is a good idea. Guys several things that you need to do everyday – Wash your face and I would suggest shower’s daily, brush your teeth, and for God’s sake comb your hair. Some of us don’t have any hair so brush yours.

Welcome 2017

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I am not alone in welcoming a new year. Everyone seems to be thankful that 2016 is finally over. Wow 2017, the year 2000 was 17 years ago, how time flies. We lost some celebrities in 2016 but I really only want to speak about three to prove a disturbing point.   When Debbie Reynolds passed a day after her daughter Carrie Fischer a 20 something told me that they didn’t know that Carrie Fischer’s mom was an actress and that her dad was a singer. I said that while Carrie Fischer portrayed one of the most iconic roles of the 20th century she wasn’t near the star that her mother or father was. Then there was George Michael an Icon of the 80s and 90s these two claimed they never heard of him before he died. Really, I asked myself “what planet are they from”?

What is disturbing about this is we have a whole generation who doesn’t know anything about American Culture before Facebook. This and still is a great country, but we better realize the America didn’t start with Twitter, there is a lot of history and culture that is great that a generation doesn’t know about. It sad very sad, people forgot about Al Jolson, Duke Ellington, Miles Davis, Billie Holiday, Louis Armstrong. These two knew none of them. But as the final words in Rogue One when Princess Leia says “This is Hope”. These two still knew who Frank Sinatra was and I say to you THIS IS HOPE.

Where have all the Gentleman Gone?

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It seems like a silly question, but in fact it is the very reason I started this blog. I look around today and see all the chaos going in the world such as the Greek crisis, terrorists attacks, a man hacking up a woman in broad day light with a machete and lets not forget Men claiming to be women and a white woman claiming to a black women. Is it me or has the world just simply gone crazy?

I am not going to debate the politics of the world that is not what I am trying to accomplish here. I am not smart enough to fix the problems of the world so I am not going to even try. It just I look at things today and it brings a tear to my eye. All the things that my parents have taught me seem to be all backwards now. Where did we go wrong? Or is the way things are today better?

I am not sure what is right or wrong all I know is the way I was taught. When you watch old movies all the men were gentlemen and all the women were ladies. They dressed like gentlemen; they acted like gentlemen, because they were gentlemen.

What changed over the past 50 years why are men no longer gentlemen? I pondered this question and he is my theory.

First the change in the home, I think this has been the most dramatic change. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce and as a result there isn’t a man in the house helping with the raising of children. Yes divorced Dad’s for the most part try and do their best, but they are not there everyday to instruct their sons those tasks are left to the mother. While a mother is the greatest person alive they are not the fathers and every boy needs a father.

Secondly, out society as diminished the women for decades. What do I mean by this; women have been portrayed as sex objects for years. Movies, TV shows, and advertising portray women as sex objects and don’t think for a moment it doesn’t sell products because it does. Women don’t help this image shows like Real Housewives of wherever portray women as greedy gold digging bitches. Then there is Kim Kardashian and the whole clan. Here is a woman that is admired by millions and has earned millions. How did she get famous by doing a sex movie is this a real good way to prove to your daughters on how to make it.

Third people feel entitled to everything, from always being happy to getting everything handed to them. I am not sure if giving a trophy to every kid is responsible or not but I am sure it doesn’t help. Disappointment is part of life and we need people to learn how to deal with it and making everything better doesn’t help.

Fourth the general lack of respect for people and older people. When I was a kid I addressed all adults as Mr. Mrs. Or Miss and their last name. Never would I address an adult by their first name. My father would have smacked me. Yes there was the occasion that you would address a close friend to your parents as either uncle or aunt. We all have aunts and uncles that are really not our aunts or uncles. There is lack of respect in all walks of life, at work the boss is no longer respected, police officers are no longer respected, and teachers are no longer respected. It is a dam shame and some needs to make it stop.

Fifth we are just too dam casual. I walk the streets and I am amazed how men dress. They look like slobs, their clothes suck, and they don’t comb their hair. I don’t know if they even shower everyday. General George Patton once said, “They don’t look like soldiers, they don’t dress like soldiers, they don’t act like soldiers, why do you expect them to fight like soldiers”. So I say to all you men out there: YOU DON’T SPEAK LIKE GENTLEMAN, YOU DON’T DRESS LIKE GENTLEMAN, YOU DON’T GROOM YOURSELF LIKE A GENTLEMAN, HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO ACT LIKE A GENTLEMAN

Sixth, the art of conversation, people don’t talk to people anymore. Now we send emails and text messages and post on Facebook, Twitter and whatever other social media is out there. Please people put the smart phone down and talk to people.

There are probably more things contributing to the downfall of the gentlemen, but I think this is a good start. So how do we fix this problem, because it is not going to be easy, but the fix does depend on you?

First look to your father or grandfather as role models. If they are not good role models find one. Find a gentleman, whether it’s an old actor like Cary Grant or Fred Astaire or a mentor at work. Find someone who you respect and learn from him.

Secondly treat every woman you meet, as you would treat your mother. Be respectful to her, stand up when she stands up, open a door for her, let her in the elevator and off the elevator first.   Don’t use foul language in front of her. She is a lady and she should be treated as suck.

Third lose your sense of entitlement. You have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness that’s it. You don’t have a right to be happy or to get everything you want. If you want something earn it don’t look for handouts from someone else. Take responsibility for you actions.

Fourth show people respect! Treat people how you want to be treated. I don’t care if it the bus boy at a restaurant or the CEO of your company. Treat everyone you meet with RESPECT. You will be amazed how people will react to you.

Fifth – Groom yourself, manicures pedicures comb your hair and for god’s sake wear decent clothes. Casual attire has its place in the world, but not in the business world. I don’t care what people say when you put on a suit and you are dressed people treat you differently and show you more respect. You feel better about yourself and if you buy clothes that fit you properly they are very comfortable.

Lastly, let’s start by putting down our smart phones and talk to people. When you sit to eat a meal or go to a bar for a cocktail have a no phone zone. Too many times I see a group of people together and nobody is talking to each other.   If your friend can’t make it too bad they should of come. Frank Sinatra had a toast he used to make “To All Our Friends who couldn’t be here – FUCK’EM”

Again I don’t know if this will solve all of our problems, but it’s a start. They recently asked Tony Bennett how come you were a suit and tie everyday? “He said to be different”. So men out their Let’s Be Different. Let’s get dressed up and treat people with respect just to be different and just maybe we can change the course of this crazy world we live in.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. SINATRA

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On this day in 1915 (99 years ago) on 215 Monroe Street Hoboken, NJ Francis Albert Sinatra was born. Later today at one of Franks favorite restaurant Patsy’s there will be a celebration of Franks life. I have never had the privilege to see Frank in concert and I never met him, but I will be there today listening to people that were blessed to call him Pally tell stories of the greatest entertainer that ever lived.

When I tell people that I am going to Frank Sinatra’s birthday party some people laugh, some don’t believe it is a real thing, and others remind me that he died in 1998. Some of my friends just think it just an excuse to have a party, but what they don’t get is Frank Sinatra is much much more than the greatest entertainer that ever lived.

I am not going to talk about Frank’s career in show business today, there is nothing to say he was the best and nobody will ever come close. I am not going to talk about Frank’s style because we all know he invented style. I am going to talk about the man I admire.

Back in the 30, 40s, and 50s, many artists changed their names, you may or may not know that Dean Martin and Tony Bennett changed their names because there real names were too ethic. Yes Italians were discriminated against. When people told Frank that he needs to change his name because it was too ethnic, he had some choice words for them and they weren’t Happy Birthday.

Well before it was politically correct to be tolerant of other people and religion, Frank was fighting for racial and religious tolerance. In 1945, long before the civil rights movement of the 1960s, Frank starred in “The House I Live In” In the movie Frank Sinatra takes a smoke break during a recording session and sees a large group of boys chasing a Jewish boy and intervenes. His message to them is that all Americans are one and all religions are to be respected equally.

In the 1950s he told the management of the Sands Hotel, that if Sammy doesn’t stay at the Hotel then he won’t and he will perform elsewhere.

Frank wasn’t perfect none of us are, but he lived by his rules and he stuck to those rules even if it wasn’t the popular thing to do. Many times he put his career at risk to stand by a friend or do what he thought was right.

So today when I hear all the stories, I will say to myself Thank God for Frank Sinatra, because the world is a better place because he was born 99 years ago today.

Happy Birthday Frank!

A Summer Ends

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Memorial Day through Labor Day what we Americans call summer. When in fact summer is from June 21st through September 23rd. That really doesn’t matter, does it? Summer is most people’s favorite time of the year. The Beach, BBQ, Swimming and other water activities. It’s the only time of the year when you greet people you ask, “How is your Summer Going?” Nobody asks how is Your Winter Going?

While summer is not my favorite time of the year, I do enjoy it. I like Sunday Mornings reading in my backyard. I like that the traffic into Manhattan is not as heavy and I really do love the Summer Fashion. So before this weekend is over I will put away until Memorial Day 2015 all my two-toned shoes, seersucker suits, and bright summer ties and most sadly my Summer Hats. Two of my favorite hats will be put into their boxes and stored until next year and I know that very soon in a few more weeks the rest of my straw hats will go away for the winter as well.

However with everything that ends something else begins and if Labor Day means the end of summer it also means the Start of Autumn. My Favorite Season!! Why is it my favorite season of the year. Well here are some reasons (1) College Football Starts (2) NFL Starts, (3) NHL Starts, (4) NBA Starts, (5) Baseball Playoff, and (6) NASCAR Chase! The Autumn (or Fall) is a sports fan heaven season. While those reasons are good, there is also energy in the air, people are done with vacation and are ready to start their lives again, work becomes more important and people are just more focused. It’s the time of the year when I set all my Goals.

While all the reasons I love the autumn my three favorite things are:

  1. The Weather – Cool mornings, Warm afternoons, and Cool evenings. It the time of the year when you don’t sweat and you don’t freeze, the weather in my view is perfect.
  2. Day Light Savings Time Ends – I know I am in the minority on this one, but I really don’t care. I love when it gets darker earlier and earlier. I love the night. Simple it’s my favorite time of the day.
  3. The Fashion – The dark colors, the browns and tans is just awesome. I can break out my heavier suits and ties, sweaters and vests it’s just a wonderful time to be a little creative. As I stated earlier when something ends something begins; so when my straw hats go away for the winter, my fur felt hats come out. It’s FEDORA time. Most of my fur felt hats are Fedora’s and most of my straw hats are Pork Pies. It is a fun time of the year breaking out the old clothes and making purchases for the fall.

So yes Summer of 2014 has come and gone, but just think how nice a cool night on the Roof at Patroon with your favorite Pallys, Cocktail, and Cigar to enjoy a 45 minute vacation. There really is no place like autumn in New York and I will leave you with the Sinatra Classic.

Happy Labor Day everyone!

“THE GOOD OLE DAYS WEREN’T ALWAYS GOOD AND TOMORROW AINT AS BAD AS IT SEEMS”

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The title of today’s post comes from Billy Joel’s song “Keeping the Faith”. I know it’s hard for many of you to believe but not every musician I listen to is Dead! I spend so much of my time talking about how great the country “Used To Be”; I thought today I would talk about how great the country and the time we are living are today.

That’s right folks, I am going to be positive about America today and talk about the bad ole days.

Don’t get me wrong we have a lot of problems today and if we don’t fix them its only going to get worse. So let’s have a little fun and compare the old days to the new days:

Medicine – Let’s face it modern medicine is the best thing about living in 2014 vs. 1924. It’s really not even fair to compare, but I think Owen Wilson said it best in Midnight In Paris when asked to stay in the 1920s he said “Stay here in the 1920s, they don’t have even have Novocain.”

Music – Okay the popular music was better in the 1940’s and 1950’s than today, in 1955 you had Sinatra and Elvis, but you didn’t have Michael Jackson, Motown, Billy Joel and Elton John. Today we get to listen to them all so therefore it’s better today than 60 years ago.

Cars – Okay we go oooh and ahhh when we see a minted out 1957 Chevy drive by and whom a 1965 Corvette doesn’t excite? We all do, but did you ever drive one? They are dangerous, the handle like crap and ride even worse. Old cars a great nostalgia, but you wouldn’t want to drive one everyday.

Media & Entertainment – Like my comments on music, old movies are great my favorite Casablanca from 1942 and I believe there will never be a movie better. However look at the movies that I have seen in my lifetime in the theaters that someone who died in 1966 never saw:

  1. The Sting
  2. Arthur
  3. The Godfather Part I & II
  4. Jaws
  5. Animal House

With AMC, TCM, DVDs, and of course ITunes, we can watch movies from the 1920s through today. We have tremendous access to a huge family of films today.

Technology – Let’s face it today wins big. I am the first person to complain about social media and how people don’t communicate by talking to each other anymore, but you are reading my “BLOG” correct? I Tweet; I am on Facebook, and LinkedIn, so even though I prefer talking to people I love social media too. But forget about social media for a second. I have my entire music library on my iPhone 5s almost 4,000 songs. When I was a kid my bedroom couldn’t hold 4,000 records. Just the past 30 years has been amazing. When Reagan took office in 1981 VHS didn’t existed and today it’s outdated. In 1986 while working at Grumman Corporation my co-worker showed me this new machine it was called a facsimile. A FAX really, when was the last time you used a Fax?

Diversity – Can’t we all just get along? For the most part we do. Yes there are still stupid people in this world and you will never get rid of them. But just look how far we have come in a fairly short time.   There is diversity all over the place, in the work force, neighborhoods, schools, hospitals, and government. We still have work to do we are not perfect, but can someone tell me what would happen if Michael Sam came out in 1974 instead of 2014!

So many things in our society are much better than 50, 60, 70 years ago, but we still have work and we lost a lot of the good. Over the rest of my life, I hope we regain some of those things and I will be preaching about them in future Blogs. So let bring back some of the things from the Good Ole Days:

  • Class & Style – Men be Men and Women be Women. Let’s play dress up for no reason. Go out on a Saturday night and dress like you are going to a wedding.
  • Men treat women with respect, open the door for them, stand up when a women approaches or gets up from the table
  • Women don’t dress like a pig, dress like Cate Blanchett and not Lady Gaga, and don’t let men disrespect you.
  • Communicate with each other – let’s bring back the conversation amongst people. Put the Phone Down!! On a recent vacation we made a rule for all meals “NO PHONES ALLOWED”

I know things are changing and a lot of that change is for good, but let’s not change for the sake of changing there are some great qualities in the old way of doing things. Just think how great we as a nation could become if we take the good from the old like helping out our neighbors and combining with the new good of diversity. Where people let people live their own life yet can accept that the individual for being different. I know that I am probably a dreamer, but I am going to end this post with a song and no its not Imagine by John Lennon. It is “The House I Live In” by Francis Albert Sinatra.

TO TIP OR NOT TO TIP, THAT IS THE QUESTION

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Recently I have been reading about celebrities who don’t tip. This week a big story on Twitter was how Warren Sapp didn’t tip a waitress because she called him and his guest boys. Not leaving a tip on a $69 tap is just shameful.

 

Many restaurants are beginning to ban tipping. I know several restaurants that automatically include the tip on the bill or even give the customer what the amount of a 15%, 18% or 20% would be.

I know I am old school and I wear that badge with pride. I know that many people are frustrated with tips because you feel like you don’t have a choice and have to give an 18% tip whether service is good or bad. However I believe that tipping should not be banned or curtailed it should be embraced. Yes folks I don’t only believing in tipping I believe in OVER tipping. Here is the reason why:

  1. Don’t be cheap – wait staff, valets, bellmen, and any other people that we tip regularly work for less than minimum wage. This is legal because of Tips. I learned in my short time in the Hotel business that many hotel staff receives double pay on their vacation days, because they don’t get tips when they are off.
  2. You get better service – I know people say, “They share the tips”. SO WHAT. The problem with people is they tip after the service. Try tipping before your serviced. When you park you car with a valet tip him/her when you drop your car off. They will appreciate it and take better care of you car. The staff receiving tips learns very quickly who are good tippers.

Many of you that know me, know that I frequent a small number of establishments that I like and probably 80% of the time I go to one of five places (Look at my Top 10 Restaurants and Saloons). I do this because I like being a regular customer, the staff knows me and knows that if they “Take Care of me”, and I will Take Care of Them. Here are some of my rules for tipping:

  1. The tip should match the service. My bench mark for a tip starts at 20% (15% for cocktails only) and I work from there. If service is terrible I may go as low as 5% and let the staff or management know I wasn’t pleased with the service. However for exceptional service I have given at times over a 100% tip. Both methods work. Every time I have given an extreme tip either to low or too high the next time at that establishment my service improved.
  2. Give Cash Tips Prior to Service – There is nothing wrong and the staff greatly appreciates cash tips prior to service. If I am dining with an important client, or want to make sure that I am going to be taken care of that evening I will slip the staff a twenty spot at the very beginning of the night. Many times the staff puts the cash tip in their pocket and don’t share the tip. Cash tips prior to service works real well at the following:
    1. Wait Staff at a Casino – Tip big in the beginning and they will keep the drinks flowing
    2. Wedding and Networking events – bartenders and wait staff at “open bar events” do not get a lot in tips. So when ordering your first cocktails explain what you like and slip them a $20 and see how your service improves. Two years ago I was at a business event and I did this at the beginning of the night. When the bar was crazy the Host of the event was waiting for a drink for quite sometime. I went up to him to say hello and to get another drink and the bartender handed me my cocktail. The Host of the event said to me “doesn’t she know I am paying the bill?” I replied, “YOU ARE PAYING THE BILL, I AM PAYING THE BARTENDER!”

 

PLEASE NOTE: When giving a cash tip please do it discreetly, you don’t want anyone to know.

 

Bottom line is folks, tipping is a good old-fashioned policy. In this age where so many traditions are going by the wayside, let’s keep this one alive and tip often and tip well.

 

 

 

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70 years ago today, there was an 18 year old man sitting in a plane shaking in his pants afraid that he would never see his family again. He gently prayed to God to let him live. The fear turned to terror when the door of the plane opened and he knew he had to jump and may not survive. When he jumped, the fear and terror remained on the plane. He pulled the rip cord and was focused on the task at hand to defeat the Nazis.

That is the way Willie told me the story of his 101st Airborne mission at D-Day June 6, 1944. I met Willie about 5 years ago; he was heading to Normandy for the 65th Anniversary of the Invasion. It was late May 2009 and I was with some business associates having a cigar at the Carnegie Club, when my friend noticed three old men having cigars with 101st Airborne caps on. So we went over to say hello and thank them for their service to our country. We had no idea when we went to them that they were members of the 101st Airborne at the invasion of Normandy. For the next two hours these men shared their bravery with us and frankly brought us all to tears. They told us that every year since the end of World War II all of the remaining members of the 101st travel to New York for a few days and then go to Normandy to celebrate and that’s why they were in New York. They were heading to Normandy the next day. Then Willie (I am not even sure if that is his name, but that’s what I call him) told me there were only 5 men left, the three there and two more who were meeting them in France.

I looked at Willie and told him “Thank you, because if it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be alive”. He looked at me confused, so I told him I would explain to him that my Mother and Father were born in Germany in 1935. After the war ended they struggled. My father’s family was very poor ; he saved for 4 years to earn enough for a boat ticket. My mother’s family was a little better off. My grandfather was an engineer so they did okay. However, to say he was strict was an understatement. So my mother worked out a deal that she would visit my grandfather’s sister in New York for 3 years and come home. So both set sail (on different boats) in 1955: my father never to return and my mother to go on an adventure. Neither one could speak English and their church was giving an English class and that is where my parents met. They fell in love, got married, and had three children (I am the baby).

So I turned to Willie and said “So if you weren’t successful at Normandy, Germany probably would have won the War and my parents would have never gone to the United States and as a result would have never met and never have had me. So my friend Thank you for winning because I wouldn’t be here if you didn’t!

He looked at me with a tear in his eye and said “Thank you, in all these years that is the most sincere thank you I ever received.” Then he lifted his drink and said:

YOU ARE WELCOME!

 

Me and My New Friend Willie

Me and My New Friend Willie

 

 

FOR THE LOVER IN YOU

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Last Friday was Valentines Day.  All week long I heard complaints from people mostly men that it’s a stupid holiday and it’s not even a real holiday.  Hallmark, Russell Stover, and FTD just to sell cards, candy, and flowers invented Valentines.  The complaints continue with you don’t need a special day to say I love you and buy someone flowers or candy.  You can do it any day. Well I am here to say to all you NAY SAYERS, VALENTINES DAY IS AWESOME AND SHOULD BE CELEBRATED.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t want to take a day out of the year to exchange a small gift, a card, some candy, or flowers.  It is a nice thing to bring a gift for someone you love.  It’s nice to tell them you love them.  So guys and you women who think its stupid here is my argument why its not.

Reason #1 – It wasn’t invented by Hallmark, Russell Stover, FTD and not even Godiva had anything to do with starting Valentines Day.  The fact is it began during the Roman Empire the holiday Lupercalia in the 5th Century.  By 1300s it became associated with Romance.  It became popular in the 1840s here in the United States.  Bottom line it’s an OLD REAL HOLIDAY.

Reason #2 – What is so wrong about having a special day to say “I Love You” and the argument that you can do it any day doesn’t work because it shouldn’t matter.  I know you are saying Dennis it’s a stupid argument.  Well if I am that stupid and the concept of having a special day to say I Love You, then it is just as stupid to have a special day to say “Thank You” and be Thankful for what you have.  Yes I am talking about Thanksgiving.  Why do we need a special day to get together with our families and friends to be Thankful for our blessings!  WE SHOULD BE THANKFUL EVERYDAY!

Some facts about Thanksgiving it wasn’t a National Holiday until 1863 and least 20 years after Valentines Day took off in the USA.  I know The Pilgrims.  The Pilgrims had 1 Thanksgiving (Lasted Three Days) and they ate Venison (Deer Meat) not Turkey.  George Washington made it a Holiday in 1789, but it wasn’t an annual event.

Do not miss interpret me I LOVE THANKSGIVING for all of the same dumb reasons I LOVE VALENTINES DAY.

Our day to day lives are filled with running around work and all kinds of stress, isn’t nice to take one day a year and tell that someone special you love them and give them a small gift to show you appreciate them all year even if you forget to tell them often enough.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY and Remember it’s For The Lover In You!

FIST PUMPS vs THE HAND SHAKE

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Well folks, here is my first rant!  It took me a couple of weeks, but as you spend more time on this site and blog you will learn I like to rant about things.  So here it goes

What is with men and women Fist Pumping.  I asked someone what is the deal and the response was “so you don’t get germs”.  I had to laugh.  I work in Manhattan and folks just so you know “IT IS A FILTHY PLACE”?  There are germs all around us.  Really protect you from germs????

In my view a Gentleman shakes someone’s hand upon meeting them.  A nice old fashioned firm hand shake.  When I extend my hand lately I say “I am old school, I believe in Hand Shakes not Fist Pumps.  When I was growing up my father taught me that when I meet someone you should look them in the eye say hello and give them a firm hand shake (with the right hand).  That is what I do to this day.

In this modern High Tech world we have become to casual about everything, from clothes, to grooming, and even in the way we greet people.  Look I love the modern conveniences that we have today, but please folks let’s not forget what made us great and the hand shake while might seem trivial it’s not.

Try it go shake someone’s hand most people forget how.  Just go up to someone, look them in the eye, say hello and give them a firm hand shake.  Don’t worry about germs, that is what soap is for, we will get into people who don’t wash their hands soon enough.

Until then “May you Live until 100 and mine be the last voice you here.

Mr. S.